A Paradox Towards Being More Transformational as a Coach

Would you like to become a more transformational coach? If yes, there is a paradox: If you want to be more transformational with your clients, it is crucial to apply your tools and skills to yourself.

It’s an interesting paradox, isn’t it?  It would seem that the best way to improve your coaching skills would be to focus on gaining more experience, practice, and skills in working with clients, however, when you turn the mirror around and focus on yourself a couple of magical things occur.

Being Transformational vs. Developing Transformational Skills

When you apply your skills to yourself you are coaching yourself to become more whole, healthy, sane, congruent, and empowered. 

Since coaching is just a series of conversations within a ‘relationship’, when you relate from a more congruent state of being, the role you play in the relationship alone positively impacts the client.

In other words, the more ‘self-actualized’ you become, the more you will positively impact your clients just by ‘being’.

Guiding via Experience vs. Mastering the Maps

Applying your tools and skills to yourself also allows you to experience the journey that you will be guiding them on.

Rather than being a good tour guide through studying the maps really well, you can guide them from experience. 

Minimize Your Incongruence

The gap between what you can do with yourself and what you can do with your clients tends to manifest as ‘imposter syndrome’, inauthenticity, and/or incongruence.

When I first started my coaching career I was very focused on helping other people to transform at the expense of working on myself.  

What I found was that I got pretty effective at getting great client results but at the end of the day I was not feeling fulfilled.  

I was also feeling incongruent because my clients thought of me as a very effective coach but they didn’t see the parts of myself that were unfulfilled and incapable of applying my skills to myself.

The more I worked on myself the more I became more whole and congruent.  Surprisingly to me, even when my skills weren’t masterful the client results seemed to be more deep, profound, systemic and lasting.

How big is your gap between what you can do with your clients vs. where you have gone yourself?  What can you do to close that gap? 

“No matter where you go, there you are” so not only will applying to self improve your ability to be transformational with others, but the quality of your life on a moment to moment basis.  Are you up for the opportunity?

Leave your questions and comments here.