Would you like to have more confidence?
Recently a friend of mine mentioned that they ‘needed tons of confidence’. In fact, over the past 10 years of practicing and teaching NLP I hear this request quite often and the request in and of itself is a bit misguided.
Why, you may be wondering?
Because confidence for confidence’s sake is a dangerous goal.
Have you ever watched American Idol, or your country’s version of the popular television singing competition?
On that show we can see a wide variety of performers with varying degrees of confidence.
Some of the contestants on that show seem to just exude confidence long before they step onto the stage. When you see & hear them you can tell from a mile away that they are confident in what they are doing… sometimes to a flaw!
Holding eye contact, slow and smooth breathing, shoulders back, chest out with a confident tone of voice and speaking without a stutter.
Do you know what I am talking about?
On the other hand we have the singers who don’t seem to have a lot of confidence at all. They somehow seem to shrink into their body, often looking downward, speaking softly, or even stuttering their words and not being able to hold their gaze.
But there is something interesting about confidence…
Sometimes the people with the most confidence are the worst performers! No skills to back up that confidence!
And occasionally those admittedly with the last confidence unassumingly walk up to the microphone and they totally rock it out of the park and the audience goes wild. Totally unexpected! Low confidence, but a lot of competence hiding beneath the surface.
To borrow a typical NLP quote, that was itself borrowed from Alfred Korzybski, “The map does not align with the territory”.
There is no direct correlation between confidence and ability to perform!
So what is point?
Desiring ‘tons of confidence’ as a goal in itself is perhaps not the best wish to make when you are setting out your intentions.
Perhaps it would be better to match our confidence with our level of competence and skill, and instead we can focus our vitality toward developing the skills on which our confidence is built.
Do you have any questions or comments? Feel free to leave them here https://www.facebook.com/perceptionacademy/posts/1381581235327366
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