“I am more than my role.”

Last week a room full of people in South Florida came together at our sold-out event on stepping into flow states of peak performance on command.

At the end, I asked everyone to share what they were going to hold onto. The phrase that kept coming back: “flow is a choice.”

I couldn’t have said it cleaner myself. Most people think being in the zone is something that happens to them when the conditions line up.

It’s not. It’s a skill.

But here’s the part that snuck up…

One person wrote on their feedback form that the most valuable thing they got all night was realizing “I am more than my position.”

That isn’t a side-tangent from flow, it’s a key ingredient to the recipe.

When you confuse your ‘self’ with the role you’re playing (your job title, your role as a parent, partner, coach, leader, etc.) your self-worth gets quietly wired to your performance. No matter how subtle or subconscious, every performance becomes high-stakes, because it isn’t the work on the line. It’s you.

Perform well: I’m valuable, I’m worthy, I’m enough.

Perform poorly: I’m not.

With this framing you lock yourself into the self-esteem roller coaster, consistent ups and downs, as determined by your circumstances.

And putting your worth on the line is the surest way to procrastinate or to make it all about yourself. You start reflecting your awareness back at yourself instead of on the task at hand, and paradoxically the very thing you’re trying to protect becomes the thing blocking you.

Recognizing you’re more than your role cuts the wire. The role goes back to being a role: something you do well or badly today, not a verdict on who you are. The stakes drop. And only then can you actually go all in.

More than just the person writing this,

Jason