Implement New Communication Skills Without Fear via Low Stakes Experiments

Have you ever procrastinated on applying a new coaching or communication skill because you were afraid you might screw it up, look unnatural, or come off as inauthentic?

In this article I will share a simple strategy I have used to overcome this right away and take action without needing to develop any new skills.

This subject came up when I was working with a mentoring client and he told me that he was stuck from using a particular NLP skill with his clients. He told me he knew why this skill would be important for him and that he even knew how to do it (in fact he has known how to do this skill for over 10 years) but for some reason he wasn’t able to get himself to apply it with his paying clients!

When I explored what was blocking him he mentioned that he was worried that if he tried out the skill with his clients he might not do it right, come across as clunky, inauthentic and using it might actually take him further from his desired outcome.

So what is one to do?

Of course we can do some inner game work to reframe what mistakes mean, building in acceptance of one’s fallibility (even becoming gloriously fallible) and separating your human being from your human doing.  I do recommend all of these things.

But the simple hack/solution I proposed was much more simple. 

If you’re trying to use your skills in a high stakes situation where money or somebody’s results are on the line, I can imagine there would be a lot of pressure and it’s probably not the best time to be trying out something new.

The solution:

First experiment in lower stakes contexts.  The “big game” is probably not the best time to experiment with a new play.  That is what practice is for!

Examples of Low Stakes Contexts:

Friends/Family Members:

Great low stakes context is to first practice with friends and/or family members who are open to the idea.  In fact this is how I got a lot of experience early in my career.

I would reach out to different people and ask them if I could practice a new communication skill with them. I would say “Hey, would it be alright if I try this new skill with you? I don’t know if it is going to work or not.”

Over time I found a couple of people who were excited to consistently over time be my “test rabbits.”  

Hopefully you’ll be able to find at least one person in your life who would be open to the possibility of trying something new and then to give you some feedback.

Colleagues/Practice Partners:

Another group of people you could invite to practice new skills with would be people who are on a similar learning journey as you e.g. friends/colleagues who want to become a better coach/communicator/salesperson, etc.

With someone who has similar outcomes and goals you so that you can swap ‘buddy coaching’ sessions.  You practice with them, they practice with you and then you can exchange feedback to support each other in developing your skill.

In my INSIDERS group coaching this is one of the large benefits that people share – that they have somebody who is on a similar journey to practice with before they bring it out into “the real world” with their family members, clients, potential clients, etc.

Final Words

If you want to implement a new coaching/communication skill start implementing  in low stakes environments before using it in contexts where there is something important on the line.

Through practicing it over and over again in low stakes environments your confidence in your skills will increase to the point that one day either, you’ll feel ready to use them in a more high stakes environment, or you may even find that the new skill flows out of you naturally exactly when you need it because it has been rehearsed.

If you develop a consistent habit of practicing in low stakes environments until you become confident enough to bring your skills into the desired contexts in ‘the real world’, and continually do that with lots of little skills, then you are on the pathway to mastery.

Feel free to leave you questions and comments here.