Creating the Space for Your Coaching Clients to Speak Their Truth & Open Up about their Real Issues

I was recently asked by one of my INSIDERS members the question: “How do I build the rapport, safety and vulnerability in my coaching so a client can feel safe to speak their truths?”.

Beyond the basic NLP rapport techniques there are many coaching skills & states that support this process which is so crucial to being effective as a coach.

AWARENESS OF THE CONTEXT

My first consideration would be the context with which the person came to you.  Did they come by choice? Were they forced to work with you? Did they come to you tentatively or with desire? Did they invest money to have this meeting? 

All of these factors will help determine the level of ‘rapport’ right out of the gate.   The more desiring, willing, and invested they are as a general rule the more open they will be to share more deeply.

DEVELOPING YOUR SKILLS OF LISTENING AND SUPPORTING

Most people are not aware of their ‘real’ problems’ or ‘real goals’ — or at least they aren’t very clear on how to communicate them.    So they will test you with smaller problems/pseudo problems and see how you respond before bringing the ‘real’/’deeper’ issues to the table.  How do you handle these?  

Do you default quickly to giving advice?  Or do you actively & non-judgmentally listen, ask exploratory questions, acknowledge what you are hearing, check that you are understanding correctly, summarize what you have heard, etc.   Do you separate out pseudo problems & symptoms from the real issues and hear what isn’t being stated directly?

Do you call them out when you calibrate that they are being inauthentic, shallow, or playing it safe and invite them to get real?   These skills will allow them to feel safe, supported, understood and build trust in your competence & caring so they will be more comfortable to share their deeper, more meaningful issues.

DEVELOPING YOUR DEEP QUESTIONING SKILLS

Ask deeper questions that pull them one level deeper than they have shared and see if you have resistance or if they follow your lead.   In many contexts it is our job as a ‘coach’ to invite the deeper sharing rather than to ‘wait for it’.

DEVELOPING YOUR SKILL OF FRAMING

Setting frames up front can help accelerate this process.  Let them know that your conversations are confidential (because most of your clients refer their friends and colleagues to you or whatever reason is authentic to you).  Let them know up front that you’re going to ask them deeper questions to get to the heart of what is most important.  Let them know up front that the more real they are, the more real/authentic their results will be, etc.

What frames can you set at the beginning of your sessions/meetings that will allow them to feel more comfortable/help resolve some resistance they may be feeling to authentically share?

DEVELOPING YOUR COACHING STATE

Lastly for now, how well do you unconditionally accept your clients? How well can you appreciate them as people and even appreciate their ‘problems’/parts of themselves that even they don’t appreciate about themselves yet?  How much can you see them as a unique and sacred individual on a growth journey? How much do you put yourself aside and so they can sense it is all about them rather than about you, your ego, or you getting results.  And again, how well can you ‘just listen’ and explore without the need to change anything. 

All of these things will support them in feeling safe and supported and accelerate the process of opening up.  (All of these states can be cultivated more deeply in yourself with the tools in our State Elicitation course).

All of these skills and states will support you in your coaching to create the safe space your clients need to open up and discover the real and significant issues in their life that will create meaningful change to make your work so valuable they can’t help but actively promote and praise you and your work.

Do you have any questions, comments, or factors to add to the list? I invite you to leave them here.