Language is powerful, and the language pattern I will be talking about today is something that I hear being used counter-productively on nearly a daily basis.
My typical response is “Thank God you’re not my hypnotist!” but it’s even worse when the person I am speaking with actually IS a hypnotist!
Regardless of whether or not you are aware that you are a hypnotist, taking control of this language pattern will give you tremendous results in terms of your own emotional intelligence, ethical influence, coaching others to success, and in leaving those with whom you communicate in a better state than when you met them.
So what is the language pattern?
I am speaking of the effective use of ‘negation’ in language.
The classic demonstration of this pattern is the “Don’t think of a purple elephant” example.
Don’t think of a purple elephant.
And…
How did you do?
You see, the paradox is that in order to ‘not think something’ you have to think of that very thing, in order to know what not to think about!
I had an experience of this just recently of a client of mine who is a successful health coach.
We were listening to one of his group coaching calls for me to provide feedback on his coaching.
On his call, after giving a piece of advice to one of his clients, he followed it up by saying, “Even if you feel like a fraud, I want you to go out and do this.”
What did his client have to do in order to make sense of this statement?
They had to pull up an experience in their mind of ‘feeling like a fraud’!
If his intention was for her to take action on his suggestion, his unconscious communications were incongruent with his conscious communications.
And anyone who’s ever tried to change an unresourceful habit knows who tends to win in between the ‘conscious’ vs. ‘the other than conscious’.
Counter productive, wasn’t it?
So how do we use the language pattern of negation effectively to maximize our results?
Rather than “even if you feel like a fraud”..
Try “even if you don’t feel 100% congruent”.
Let’s see a couple of other examples:
“Don’t be nervous.” can become “Stay calm.”
“Don’t speed” can become “Drive carefully.”
“I’m feeling horrible” can become“I’m not feeling wonderful right now.”
“Don’t hit your sister” becomes “Play nice!”
Any of those sound familiar?
This is the power of negation.
Whatever follow’s a “no”, “not”, or “don’t” typically has to be represented in someone’s mind in order for them to make sense of it, so I wonder, what have you REALLY been communicating when speaking with others?
And more importantly, what have you REALLY been communicating with yourself?
If you *don’t* do this effectively this week, thats okay!
Just rewind in your mind and frame it the other way around.
As you do this for the next couple of days I promise you’ll be happier, the people around you will be happier, and your level of ethical influence will increase dramatically.
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